T's Talking Spot

Committed Ways of Being - Week 1

2010-06-22T20:13:00.001-07:00

I am going to work on integrating the Committed Ways of Being from Learning Journeys, my Coaching School, into my daily life. The Committed Ways of Being are relationship standards that the coach and the client agree to as they form their coaching relationship. I believe these standards can be helpful in developing all relationships and enhancing one's daily life. I am going to take one CWB each week and focus on it daily to integrate it more fully into my daily life.

Sanction Presence
The power of presence is at the core of any coaching relationship. Fundamentally, presence is allowing yourself and others to accept people where they are at the moment. I tried to be accepting and take situations from the other persons perspective throughout the day and had interesting results.

Travelling is filled with stress and people coming from so many different perspectives with people they don't know but must be around for periods of time in close quarters. When faced with something that would typically fluster me or frustrate me, I tried to put myself in the other person's shoes. I realized that I had no idea what their story was but whatever was happening I needed to accept for them and move on. This was a very stressless way to handle each situation.

As the day moved on and we were at Universal Studios, it was hot, crowded and everyone was growing tired. This is typically a situation that would wear on me but I was able to accept that others were in the same situation. I was able to move past that and keep it from ruining my day. I tried to accept the situation and be present to the excitement of the rides and the day. It was awesome spending time with my cousin and her family that I do not get to see nearly enough. I am so glad that I was present to the day!

Hopes & Dreams

2010-05-26T20:11:00.000-07:00

I volunteered today at event attended by over 700 school kids. My activity was a "Wall of Hope". Each child was asked to write their hopes & dreams on a slip of paper and then post it on a wall. I was so impressed by their enthusiasm for the activity and the thoughtfulness they put into their hopes. There was the occasional want for material goods but the overwhelming majority were improvements in others lives or in the world we all live in.

The thing that truly struck me as interesting was how big these kids think. They want the problems of the world to be solved, not just the problem of the day. I think there is a lesson learned here. I am not sure when it happens but at some point it becomes very easy for us to become mirred in the day to day details of life and our dreams and hopes reflect that and become small. This is sad because it is now at this point in life when we are most capable of acheiving our biggest dreams.

I am not suggesting that each of us should try to tackle all of the world's problems or even the largest problems in the world. Rather I challenge you to think about your hopes and dreams. Picture them in your mind and acheiving your hopes and what the world looks like. Once you have that in your mind and you can see it, ask yourself "How can I make it bigger??"

Dream big and even if you fall short, you will have acheived more than you thought you ever could have. Sweet dreams!

Moment of Clarity

2010-05-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

Today was a real test for me and my resilience. I have spent the last 10 months getting in touch with myself, what is important to me, and what I want in my life. I was faced today with an opportunity to take a 10 month step backwards and I was able to turn it down. I was presented an opportunity that once upon a time would have struck right at my ego and despite not being what I want professionally would have been impossible for me to turn down.

I have learned that my ego loves to be loved. My ego does not like to listen to the rest of my head and loves to make quick decisions before the rest of my mind can speak up. Today I was able to recognize that the offer was only appealing to my ego and not the rest of my heart and mind. That recognition allowed me to silence my ego and let my heart and mind be heard. Woo Hoo!!

Now that my heart & mind are speaking I am going to listen with everything I have!

Abundance

2010-05-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

The concept of abundance has presented itself to me in a few ways over the last week and it has been puzzling me. Is abundance something a person should truly be striving for?

Abundance can be defined as a more than adequate quantity or supply. By that definition, there are many things that I would not want in abundance such as problems, bills, or dandelions. Even things that make me happy, probably would not do so in a great abundance. I could only take one of my husband, my house, or my facebook account. Could anyone imagine having to keep up with multiple facebook accounts?!? So why the push from so many directions to strive for abundance in ones life??

I propose that the real drive(at least for me) is for clarity and contentment. I think clarity is the key to the equation, because one must know what their goal is. What do you want out of life? This is ever evolving, but you must have an idea of what it looks like or how do you know what you are working towards and when you are there. Without clarity, one is in a constant state of acquistion or even hoarding without understanding. I struggle with how that brings anyone happiness. It feels to me like a chaotic free for all. I suggest that one should take their time and search for baby steps that are clear as they begin to move forward or they could really be moving backwards.

As your vision becomes clear, should one really strive for abundance? I propose there is a state of saturation called contentment that is before abundance with most things in life. There is a balance that can be achieved that allows us to find peace along the path and not constantly push ourselves for more and more and more. How tiring is that?? There are a number of areas that one would argue you can never have enough of such as friends, love, happiness. But if there is never enough you can not reach a state of abundance...more than an adequate supply. So those are disqualified. So we turn to the things that can have a boundary such as material belongings and money. Only you can define what is adequate or brings contentment for yourself. For me that point appears to be where I am no longer willing to make trade offs. Where I will not compromise my health or my relationships for an abundance of career success or wealth for example. Each person must find their own line.

Resilience

2010-03-09T18:55:00.000-08:00

I attended a conference yesterday for International Womens Day and the theme was "Resilience". This hits very close to home for me as a lack of resilience in the face of change is what drove me to take my leave from work. There was a lot of active discussion about what does "resilience" mean. Is it only about surviving and thriving when things don't go as expected or as you want them to? or Is it also about strength to know what you want and go after it? I am not sure I have an answer or that it really matters. What I do know if that I feel like I am in a much better place in both of these areas than I was six months ago.

One of my biggest struggles has always been handling unexpected change. I think this may always be an issue for me as it gets to my desire to be perfect and one must have control of the situation in order to ensure a perfect outcome. Blah, blah, blah. So I am never going to be perfect and neither are you....and that is great! How boring perfection would be!! And if I can say that is OK then I don't need to be in control of every situation because it is OK if things go amiss or don't work out. We all will be just fine and we will have a great chuckle over it later. I can say all of this to you, but the key is continuing to remind myself of this every single day. I really have had to develop a mantra and breathing to go along with this, but so far, so good.

The next part is something I am still not so sure about and have some major work to do. What do I want for myself? Personally that is a little more clear, but professionally there are muddy waters. I am continuing on my self-assessment journey and doing the research. There are so many things that are interesting that I have never tried and have no clue if I would like them never mind be any good at them. And I do think the combination of those two is the key. Knowing myself, I need challenge and change, but I also need to be interested and have an opportunity to be successful. Research continues with volunteering, going to classes, searching the internet, reading, and a new one for me, being curious. This is pretty fun!

While it is just like any other muscle and you must work on it daily, I do feel like I have rediscovered my resilience and it is stronger than ever.

Enjoying the Journey

2009-11-06T20:32:00.000-08:00

So I am a planner. In and of itself not necessarily a bad thing but I take the plan to an extreme and play out whatever it is I am working towards in my head. And then when things go different than my plan or what my expectation is in my head, I have a hard time dealing with it. As I have been discovering, this is an issue on a couple of levels.

First, nobody else is privy to this plan or the script in my head because, it is only in my head. I am kinda setting myself up for disppointment if I don't set my expectations outloud with others. Otherwise, I am asking everyone around me to be mind readers or psychics. As amazing as the people in my life are, I don't think any of them have those types of magic powers :-) How then do I get a different outcome? I think sharing my ideas or expectations and reasoning with others. Maybe things still don't work out as planned but at least we are all communicating and working from a more common understanding.

Second, I am missing out on the journey and only focusing on the destination. There is so much to enjoy in the act of doing and being. I have rediscovered cooking for the sake of cooking and not just to make a perfect dinner. The measuring, the mixing, the browning....all of it can be very enjoyable and it doesn't really have to be all about the end state and doing it all. Simple example, but it is my new perspective. I am going to try and be more aware of my surroundings and whatever it is that I am doing. It doesn't matter if everything doesn't go as expected as long as I enjoy the journey!

My journey today included going to the worst NBA game. But it was still an awesome evening, because I got to hang out with my husband and we enjoyed each other's company. A very great night!

Life is too short to not live to the fullest

2009-11-05T21:20:00.000-08:00

Life is way too short to get hung up on other people's issues and not live each of our lives to the fullest in the moment. We lost at least 12 people today at Fort Hood and many other lives will be greatly impacted. It is starting to become apparent that this was caused by someone becoming fed up with other people's prejudices and stupidity and not knowing a better way to handle it. Really? I can only imagine what it would take to walk into a room and start mowing down all of the people in that room. Not a place I really want to let my mind go to.

While this is tragedy is on a much larger scale than most people's every days trial and tribulations, it is a reminder to not sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff :-)

I much prefer to spend my time giving back and meeting people who are making the most of their lives. I went to an elementary school today and gave 30 minutes to a 4th grade class. I talked a little bit about my job (or at least me old job) and then read a book to the class. I was so impressed by the teacher and the class. What a thankless job! I am so impressed and grateful to those of you who dedicate your time to teaching, especially those who are not going to get the support they need at home. Ms. Wingart was such an inspiration!

I also enjoyed spending a great evening with my sister-in-law. Rachel and I went to an even tonight that showcased women-owned, Minnesota-based businesses and the products that they create. Such creativity and hard work was on display. It was very inspiring to get moving on my own business plan. These women were really on top of their game.

I also spoke with a man today who is from Rwanda and is going to college in Duluth. As a child in Africa, he suffered from Tuberculosis and had extreme issues with his spine that required a very intense surgery to correct. I met the doctor who helped him to get the surgery and still oversees his care. Dr. Rick is amazing! Taka is going to come speak at the Frozen River Film Festival in January. I cannot wait to hear his story and how he has moved forward with his life. Such an inspiration as well, giving of his time to spread the word and garner support of Dr. Rick.

That's it for today but I am so looking forward to new experiences tomorrow!

Cutting Ourselves a Break

2009-11-04T19:37:00.000-08:00

The last two days have been a ton of self-discovery. The career planning class that I am taking wrapped up the self-assessment portion this week and we are moving on to the more practical components, but it has truly been enlightening. We, as women, definitely need to work on giving ourselves more credit for for skills and talents. We also are so tentative to claim our dreams or aspirations when they go against the status quo or what we have always done. Interesting thing about this class is I have been facing 10 other women who are so willing to help each other recognize strengths and qualities in each other as well as point out the obvious that we have been unwilling to claim for ourselves, on our own. I am not quite sure where this is going to take me, but it sure has pointed out some observations that I had been quick to dismiss. More to come on this front....

Wednesday brings the morning session with Jeremy, my personal trainer, and my afternoon session with Priscilla, my therapist. I am not sure who challenges me more or maybe they balance each other out, or at least balance me out :-) Jeremy of course kicked my butt. It is so wonderful and while I am exhausted, I am so energized after the work out. Today was the third day in a row going to the gym and sticking to the plan rather than cutting it short. I am gaining momentum for sure!

Therapy was awesome today and not just because there was no crying. I think the energy from my work out carried over because I had this great positive attitude. Could have been the positive outlook that Tonya started the day with on Facebook, too. Whatever it was, I had so much optimism and energy today. I have really missed that in my life and I am glad that I am starting to find it again. Topic of the day today was enjoying each life experience for what it is and letting that be OK. I am trying to stop putting so many preconceived expectations on everything (and everyone) in my life. I am working on being open to all of opportunities and expereinces around me. It is OK if they don't work out, but then I know.

Off to bed now. Looking forward to tomorrow. Going to go read to a 4th grade class at a local school and then spending the evening at a craft fair with Rachel, my sister-in-law. Should be a great day!!

My homework

2009-11-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

I am taking a class through WomenVenture called Career & Life Planning. I have session 3 tomorrow night and I just finished up my homework for class. The first two-and-half sessions are all about self-assessment. The goal is to understand your values, personal characteristics, strengths, skills/knowledge and interests and what possible careers might be best suited with that profile.

This has been a very interesting exercise. As I go through the evaluations, there are some definite trends and not necessarily what I expected. Relationships are the overwhelming theme for me. When things are positive and successful, there is always strong relationships built on a common goal, common understanding and integrity & trust. At those time in my life that things took a turn for the worse, those relationships were lacking. The other key trend was meaningful work with a defined value. When the value of the work was understood, things seemed to go a lot better for me than when it was always in question. I know both of these probably seem like common sense, but it is amazing how demoralizing work can be when these are missing every day.

I am also realizing how much I need balance in my life. For so long I have let my life be so heavily weighted with work and while I am pretty lopsided right now in the other direction, I do not see that pendulum swinging all the way back again. Funny that with distance, there are other things that are so much more important. Today was a combination of an awesome workout at the gym with Jeremy and doing my crafty projects. At the gym today, I was working the elliptical next to this woman and it was really motivating to try and keep up with her. I amy try to time my workouts with her going forward.

The road to self-discovery continues...

Back to Blogging

2009-11-01T17:16:00.000-08:00

I have not been committed to the blog so I am starting back up on after some supportive comments from my cousin and my therapist. No, they are not the same person :-)
So, here I am recommitting to my blog. At the same time, I am going to recommit to a few things that I have been slacking on lately. It has been so easy to snack and slack lately and as such my weight loss has hit a little bit of a tableau. No worries! Just going to pick it up this week and get into gear so I am on a high heading into the holidays. So back to tracking and getting to the gym every day during the week. I feel so much better when I do and it keeps me on my way to the goal.

Everything else has been progressing well. I am in week 3 of a Career & Life Planning class that I am just loving. Not only am I learning about myself but I am really enjoying meeting and working with the other women in the class. It makes me very appreciative for the many blessings that I have as well as helps me to recognize the strengths in myself and others. It has been very enlightening.

I also had a chance to volunteer this week at the Salvation Army Coats for Kids drive. I worked the registration desk and everyone was so appreciative of the help. Again, counting my blessings and those of my loved ones. There is so much need out there and every little bit helps so we should all try to find a way to give a little back.

Looking forward to this week and making progress on my recommitment. Off to complete my homework! Everyone have a great week!

Kicking My Butt

2009-08-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

I started back with two people on "my team" today...Andrew, my personal trainer, and Priscilla, my therapist. These are two very important people to my personal journey and I was so excited and anxious to meet with each of them today. Each of them kick my butt in their own way.
I was anxious about going back to the gym after it had been so many months since I had done anything resembling a work out. I have gained weight and my knee has developed bursitis. I was dreading what Andrew would say, but that was all my own judgements. Andrew was excited to see me and ready to get me back to work. I did my 10 minutes on the treadmill and then we got started. And I did it all!! I was so concerned about being able to make it through but it went really well and Andrew was so supportive. I am actually looking forward to getting up in the morning and going to the gym. I am not sure I have ever said that.
Later in the day, I met with Priscilla. I just love talking with her. She really helps me put things into perspective and has great ideas for helping me retrain my head. So homework for the week is relaxing and breathing, two things I am not really good at. I can't believe I have to practice breathing, but I could think of worse things to practice.

The start of my new year

2009-08-04T17:09:00.000-07:00

So here I am writing my first blog. I have been inspired my sister-in-law and I thought this would be a great way to document my year off of work. I have decided to take a leave of absence from work for a year and try to get my mind, body, and soul moving in the right direction. I have let myself really get to a bad place mentally and physically and I know I needed something drastic and fortunately this option was presented.
Here I am with this year sitting in front of me and what am I going to do. So far it has been pretty busy. Week 1 started with my brother and my nephews coming to Minnesota for a week. It was a blast though we missed TOnya and Kasey. We hit the Science museum, Children's museum, MOA (twice), Valley Fair, bowling, mini golf, Como Zoo & MN Zoo. I miss those guys so much so it was great to have them visit. Colin's first airplane ride too!
The next week was off to Texas to visit with my grandmother. She is 85 years old and not in the best of health though she really rebounded and found some amazing energy to work on genealogy all week with me. It was also good to visit with my dad and new step-mom as well as a side trip to my mom in Brownwood. It was a good start to working on the genealogy and learning about my grandparents and family history.
After a quick stop back in Minnesota, it was off to spend the weekend in Maryland/DC with Anton and his brother Liam and his wife Maira. I hadn't seen them in quite a while so it was a great visit. We did the DC tourist thing for 2 days, but the best was hanging with Liam & Maira. Anton and I headed to Greensboro on Sunday and go there after driving through some crazy traffic and rain. Why Greensboro you ask? Americal Idols on Tour!! The music was awesome and it was a great evening with my husband. Something I don't get nearly often enough.
So this brings me back to Minnesota and starting my time at home. Started at WeightWatchers today. While it was not fun to weigh in, it was good to go to a meeting and to get back to tracking. That really does seem to be the key to success. I also started a lot of yard work today. It was great to be outside, especially since the weather was so nice. I started a compost pile and did quite a bit of trimming of the trees. There is still quite a bit more to go, but it is so nice to be working outside!!